


To Tell the Whole Truth

by Ezlebe



Category: Franklin & Bash
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-24
Updated: 2012-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 18:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ezlebe/pseuds/Ezlebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait,” Jared interrupts just as Peter’s about to get out of the witness box. “I would like to question the witness, your honor.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Tell the Whole Truth

“Wait,” Jared interrupts just as Peter’s about to get out of the witness box. “I would like to question the witness, your honor.”

Peter rolls his eyes before he turns to Judge Jacobs, who’s giving Jared a flat, disbelieving look as he stands up and practically waltzes in front of Peter.

“Make it quick, Mr. Franklin,” Jacobs sighs, much to Peter’s surprise, and gives them both suspicious glances, even though Peter hasn’t actually done anything.

Jared nods, giving her a thankful grin.

“Mr. Bash,” he starts, smoothing out his jacket and straightening out his back as if Peter was an actual witness. “On the morning of March 8th, 2010, I woke up to an empty house and my espresso machine broken.”

“-our espresso machine.” Peter corrects under his breath, rolling his eyes.

“Objection!” R.J. exclaims almost immediately, disbelieving look on his face. “Relevance, your honor?”

“Overruled,” Jacobs says after a moment. “I’m actually a little interested; let the man ask his questions.” She turns towards Peter, “Remember, Mr. Bash, you’re under oath.”

“I want you to tell me who it was,” Jared finishes, lacing his fingers together behind his back.

Peter glances around the room, up towards an amused Jacobs, and rolls his eyes towards the empty jury box. He then sighs and turns back to Jared, who’s got a barely restrained smirk on his face. “Fine,” he concedes, looking up towards the ceiling in exasperation. “It was a combined effort, if I remember correctly, where pretty much everyone but the house itself turned against it.” Jared gives him a flat look, egging him on. “I guess it technically started it when I was steaming some milk and the wand got clogged," Peter allows, rolling his eyes as he continues, "Which led to Pindar deciding that he wanted to clean it, but then as he was trying to steam out the –The milk gunk, I guess, Carmen tripped and bumped into him, which ripped it off, and then he fell and jammed the little coffee handle thing into the side of the machine." Peter taps the front of the witness box slowly, "Then we went to the Diner so we wouldn't be there when you woke up.”

Jared, hands on his hips, stares him down, “And why haven’t you guys replaced it?”

Peter throws up his arms, “They’re like three thousand bucks, man.” He winces as Jared continues the flat stare, so he sighs, waving a hand. “Fine, okay? Next month. I’ll put it on the list.”

Jared makes a satisfied noise, crossing his arms. “Okay, awesome. Next question: What did you do with my Kenner Boba Fett figure? I have been wondering for like  _twenty years_.”

“Mr. Franklin,” Judge Jacobs sighs, sounding disturbingly like Jared’s own mother.

“No, it’s okay,” Peter butts in, leaning forward. “I found it when I was moving out of my parent’s house for the second time.” He shrugs, “I just kept forgetting to give it back.”

 Jared hums in thought, “That is an acceptable answer.”

“Are you done now?” Jacobs asks.

Jared taps his chin in contemplation. “Just one more question, promise,” he answers after a moment.

“One more,” Jacobs repeats pointedly.

“Mr. Bash,” Jared says, turning towards him once more, expression turning into something more serious.

“Yes, Mr. Franklin,” Peter responds sarcastically, though inwardly he’s starting to feel like he’s walked into some sort of trap.

“Why  _did_  Janie break up with you?” Jared asks, straightening out his sleeves and breaking eye contact. “I don’t want the usual ‘grew apart’ bullshit, either.”

“Battering the witness,” R.J. says lazily, sighing.

“Sustained,” Judge Jacobs agrees, “Be nice, Mr. Franklin.”

“I feel like I’m in a cartoon,” Peter interjects. “Are you really going to make me answer this?”

“Yes,” Judge Jacobs and Jared respond at the same time.

“It’s a closed courtroom,” Jacobs says, and points towards Tommy and his wife. “Your dirty laundry can’t be any worse than theirs.”

Peter swallows thickly, tapping his fingers on the edge of the witness box, shrugging, “Well, but we  _did_  grow apart.”

“Practically living together one minute and then blowing up and not talking to each other for three months is not growing apart,” Jared disagrees heatedly, looking over and glaring at him.

“Okay, A:” Peter starts, holding up a finger. “We were _not_ practically living together, and B: Janie really had been pulling away for reasons that – Well, she wanted answers and I gave the wrong ones.”

“Which were,” Jared prompts, tone sharp.

Peter grinds teeth together, glancing over at Tommy, who’s pretending to be interested in some papers on the desk, and to the defense, who are openly staring.

“She asked me if… Actually, she told me I had to-” Peter runs a hand through his hair, suddenly unable to remember anything but Emily in Jared’s underwear that a few mornings ago. “To choose between her and another romantic interest and, even though it was supposedly, completely hypothetical, she took me seriously because of… prior history and present amicability.”

Judge Jacobs makes a thoughtful noise, and Peter can’t help but look at her in absolute horror. She’s staring at him in something like consideration, and he gets the disturbing feeling that she knows  _exactly_  who he’s talking about.

“I have a feeling it wasn’t Marisa Tomei,” Jared says slowly.

Peter turns to him, making eye contact, “No.”

There’s an awkward silence throughout the room, where everyone but Jacobs looks politely uncomfortable. The Judge, however, continues staring for a moment, chin atop her fist. “I think I just won a bet with Douglas,” she says finally, nodding in satisfaction. “Are you finished with the witness, Mr. Franklin?”

“I am, your honor,” Jared confirms hesitantly, backing up towards their table. He mouths ‘bet?’ to Peter as he sits down.

Peter merely shrugs, too busy pretending that their judges don’t bet on his sex life, and turns away as he gets out of the witness box. He wonders if he could get away with running, and nearly tries it too, until he catches Tommy’s own avoidant expression and remembers that the door is locked.

He probably would have been caught and found in contempt anyway, leaving the court during an active trial, but it gives him something nice to fantasize about as he sits down next to Tommy. He carefully leans far enough back that he can pretend Jared isn’t even there, and that he didn’t just tell the entire courtroom that his girlfriend broke up with him because he was in love with his best friend.

He’s officially in a romantic comedy, one that sadly seems to be more John Hughes than anything else, for which he fully blames Jared.

As they wave off the Dales, wishing them luck home and signing out of the court house, Jared and he reach some sort of détente in front of the elevator.

Peter raises eyebrows at his blurry reflection, and wishes he had some sort of excuse for everything, but the truth is that he really, really doesn’t, and is coming out worse for it.

“You really don’t like Emily, do you,” Jared asks as they walk towards the car, raising a suggestive eyebrow at him.

Peter sighs. It’s an obvious ploy to get him to confess without any room for suggestion, which he figures can’t hurt any more than what just happened at the trial. “Whenever she wears your clothes want to throw her into the tar pits.”

Jared starts to shift awkwardly as they settle into the car, getting ready to drive back to Infeld/Daniels, and Peter can tell that he’s about to say something that even the mere thought of makes him uncomfortable. Peter is sadistically grateful for that, even though he knows what happened was probably just as embarrassing for Jared as it was for him.

“I thought, after Janie, that you’d sort of… Not,” Jared says completely incomprehensibly.

Peter raises an eyebrow at him, still unwilling to cut him any slack after the stunt in the courtroom. If this is how Swatello feels all the time, it’s no wonder she’s so mean.

“When I said we should stop, it was because… Well there was me, but there was Janie, too, who you always liked,” Jared says, only slightly more clearly. “And- and Carmen’s niece and everything. You should have a life. Like that. A normal one.”

The words have something painful slithering through Peter’s chest and a scoff rips through him unwillingly, because he liked Janie. In fact, he still likes her, but if he had to choose, it would always, always be Jared. The fact that Jared doesn’t know that almost makes it more painful.   

“And here everyone’s been telling me I’m the stupid one,” Peter says, shaking his head.

“You aren’t stupid,” Jared says almost immediately, already frowning. He’s silent for a few minutes, staring out of the window, “I guess we kind of did have a life, even if it wasn’t normal.”

“I always thought of it like ethical hedonism,” Peter admits with a sigh, tapping the wheel, “But then you broke up with me and that kind of got thrown out the window.”

“It wasn’t a break up,” Jared says, practically frantic at the mere word. “I never thought of it like a break up.” He makes a point to look him in the eye, and Peter can’t help but crack a bitter smile at the way he looks so desperately insistent.  “Also, it worries me how into that Greek shit you are.”

“Well, it turns out you liked the Greek shit,” Peter says with a leer, figuring, if nothing else, he’s allowed to counter the disbarment jokes with gay ones after that trial. He also has a really hard time seeing Jared in any sort of pain, even when the little jerk does it to himself.  

“Shut up,” Jared counters unconvincingly, leaning his head against the window.  “I think we should stage something to break up with her then.”

Peter raises an eyebrow at the road, trying to figure out where he lost the thread of conversation.

“Cause if we’re uh, like,” Jared expands, and stumbles over the words, to which Peter takes some satisfaction as he realizes what Jared’s starting to suggest.

“Getting back together,” Peter completes, leaning against the car window with an elbow.  “I don’t remember agreeing to anything.” The fact that he can’t help but start to smile when he says it is probably why Jared completely skips over that in the obvious belief that he wasn’t serious.

“It wasn’t a break up,” Jared maintains with a hasty tone. “Obviously we didn’t break up, we stopped hooking up; there is a drastic difference.”

“Eh,” Peter says, mostly to tease him. He looks over to where Jared is staring out the side window, arms crossed like a petulant child, “I think Janie might have been a rebound, even.”

“Was not,” Jared says as he begins to scowl, “You used to talk about how pretty and smart she was all the damned time, even before we – You started going out with her.” The middle of the sentence is said mostly in a high pitched mockery of Peter.

Peter sighs, rolling his eyes, “So when’re you going to start hooking up with my mom then?”

Jared actually chokes at that, giving Peter an incredulous look, “What does – Where did you even… what?

“You talk about how awesome and hot she is all the time, and you’re always flirting with her when we see her,” Peter says, equally as mocking and making a disgusted face.

“That’s different. She’s your  _mom_ ,” Jared says, appalled. “I mean if she wasn’t, then I totally would, but she is, so it’s sort of a moot point.  Besides, that is completely different than Janie, because you went out with her for  _two years_.”

“For something that wasn’t a break up, you’re sounding really defensive,” Peter points out lightly, turning into the Infeld/Daniels building lot, “And in the end, Janie and I broke up because I still liked you more  _despite_  those two years.”

“I bet if you asked any of your girlfriends, they’d blame me, anyway,” Jared mutters huffily, getting out of the car. “I am not the other woman here.”

“You kind of were,” Peter disagrees, “Before Janie, anyway.”

“Shut up,” Jared scoffs, but there’s a blush of red high on his cheeks, as if he’s complimented. “Stop making sense.”

Peter begins to feel like he’s already won whatever was going on here, and it’s an assumption made even more solid by Jared’s sulky attitude. He’s growing sort of glad he got stuck on the stand now, even if it was humiliating at the time, because it cleared something that he hadn’t even realized was fogging them up.

As Peter catches up to Jared on the stone steps, he throws an arm around his shoulders, because Jared loves PDA even if Peter hates it. He’s rewarded when Jared leans into his side, arm catching the back of his suit coat and hand grabbing at the waistband of his pants.

“Stop it, we’re at work,” Peter murmurs when the hand digs under his belt, but doesn’t bother to pull back.

 “You started it,” Jared laughs as they get on the elevator.

The door opens and Peter’s greeted with the office, and suddenly he remembers that Jared’s actually going out with someone, fling or not, and that he really doesn’t feel like having the gay for Jared fight twice in a lifetime.

He reluctantly pulls away, shoving Jared in the direction of the office Emily is using temporarily.

“Your turn,” Peter says as he walks towards their office, looking back for an instant to catch the confusion on Jared’s face. “To have the awkward conversation,” he explains, rolling his eyes and gesturing towards Emily.

“Oh,” Jared grimaces, looking back pleadingly, “Can I just call Janie?” He practically yells the question, and half the office promptly lifts their heads to look between them in curiosity.

Peter rolls his eyes, nearly answering before he realizes something, “This is what you meant by staging something?”

“No?” Jared answers, but there’s the beginning of a grin on his face.  

“No.” Peter says, turning into their office and pointedly closing the door.

“Fine!” Jared shouts in mock anger, trying to draw him back in.

Peter just waves at him through the door while pointing to his ears like he can’t hear him. He then sits down at his desk, wondering if Jared’s even going to go through with it. After waiting a few minutes, he figures he can get some actual work done. He finishes proofing a few pages, and, at the lack of any screaming matches, realizes that Jared is either somehow managing to have break-up sex in a glass office, or is, most likely, avoiding Peter and his judgment by getting work done on his own.

Honestly, Peter isn’t even a little surprised. He’s broken up with at least four girls for Jared, and one guy he wasn't even dating, so statistically he was probably going to be the one to break up with her, even if he hadn’t planned on hooking up with Jared afterwards. (Though, admittedly, that is what happened in the other cases.)

His questions are answered anyway when he answers his next call. It’s Jared, excited about using Emily as some sort of interrogation technique for Daniels, who turns out to be two parts crazy and one part snob.

He resists being disappointed, and almost forgets for a while that they’re having this, sort of, in between period until after the buyout scare - until they’re shipped home and Emily approaches Jared during the party to tell him she wants to  _move in_ with them.  

Pindar literally starts choking, much to the sadistic amusement of Karp, and Carmen has a look on her face that spells doom to any crazy bitches that threaten her man-harem.

“Uh,” Jared starts, looking at Peter, who hopes his faces manages to portray disappointment through it’s every pore. “I’ve been meaning to – Janie!” Jared shouts in excitement, “You’re here! Janie!”

Peter looks around, confused, and catches Janie’s taken aback expression from behind Stanton - who they will totally get to later, because telling people they’re poison is just this side of unforgivable.

“Jared,” Janie responds flatly, giving Peter a raised eyebrow before pushing past him and turning towards Jared. “Not that I’m not completely and insanely excited to see you too, but what the hell?”

“I need to talk to you,” Jared says seriously, stepping away from Emily for a moment.

Jared grabs Peter’s sleeve as he walks past, and pulls both Janie and him towards the library.

Peter resists the urge to wave a the rest of their group, and looks away from Emily, an expression on her face that makes it feel like she’s about to mutiny, no doubt starting by gutting Peter with a proverbial sword.

“I’m still not interested in a threesome,” Janie says to Peter as Jared closes the door, stepping back from the both of them and leaning on a bookshelf.

“Come on, everyone wants this,” Jared responds, apparently unable to ignore the opportunity to bicker.

Janie shrugs, spreading her hands, “I don’t sleep with men who wear lifts.”

“I don’t wear lifts,” Jared says, expression aghast.

“Obviously,” Janie smirks sharply, about to cut to the quick. “But you probably should.”

“Okay, break it up, you two,” Peter sighs, physically pulling Jared back. “No threesomes, but just as much awkwardness.”

Janie glances between them, starting to frown in thought, “So why am I here? Other than to get drunk - that part’s obvious.”

“I want you to break up with Emily for me,” Jared says without preamble, nodding. He pauses a moment, tilting his head, “I mean tell Emily that I’m breaking up with her.”

“And you can’t do this yourself because?” Janie asks slowly.

“Well,” Jared starts, taking a big sip of his drink and staring at the books for a few minutes. He takes a deep breath like before he speaks to a jury, running a hand down his suit jacket. “I think you’ll handle her reaction better since you have… experience.”

Janie raises an eyebrow at him, “Experience breaking up with women.”

“Experience involving breakups that include Peter and me,” Jared corrects, tilting his glass in her direction. He lifts his eyebrows significantly, and Peter swears he can see the moment she gets it.

“Wait, wait,” Janie says, holding out a hand. “You guys are back together?”

“Not technically,” Peter disagrees awkwardly, shifting his feet.

“What are you guys doing in there? Let us in,” Pindar yells through the door. “It’s so ill-at-ease out here,” he hisses through the crack.

Jared looks to Peter, who shrugs and opens the door - because why not, the environment is already as awful as it could get in here.

“So, wait,” Janie tries to continue as Pindar and Carmen slip in, with Karp and Hanna attempting to sneak in behind them.

“No, don’t even think about it,” Peter says, shoving Karp backwards. “Go talk to Emily.”

“Why on earth would I do that,” Karp asks, looking back at where Emily still stands at the bar with an uncomfortable expression.

Hanna raises a knowing brow, grabbing the back of Karp’s jacket. “You’re explaining this later.”

“Noted,” Peter says enthusiastically as he shuts the door, wondering why they never bothered to get locks for the library.

“So what’s going on,” Carmen asks, pushing her way in front of Pindar and Peter, arms crossed.

“Jared is a pussy and wants me to use my – experience was it? - to break up with his girlfriend,” Janie answers flatly, though she’s obviously a little amused, judging by the smirk.  “Because for some reason, he can’t do it himself.”

“Good, she’s starting to get creepy,” Carmen says, looking to Pindar for confirmation, which he nods enthusiastically to give.

“Lawyers are physically incapable of being that nice, it’s suspicious,” Pindar says in a low whisper. “I think she’s a spy.”

Peter rolls his eyes, sighing.

“I _could_ do it myself, but it would be less fun that way,” Jared interjects.

It’s one of the weakest defenses Peter’s ever heard him utter, and they’ve defended a lot of guilty people.

“Fun? You think this is fun?” Peter asks, shaking his head. “This is awful. I can’t believe you actually called Janie.”

“Hey,” Janie says, scoffing. “This is pretty uncomfortable for me too.”

“So wait, why are you breaking up with Emily?” Pindar asks. “Not that I disagree, but just a few days ago you were practically fused together.”

Peter very carefully thinks around that sentence, trying in vain to erase any images that it may or may not have elicited.

“Peter offered him an opportunity he couldn’t pass up,” Janie answers dryly, giving him a suspicious look at the silence.

“Hey, technically he started this,” Peter disagrees, pointing at Jared with his drink. “He made me talk about it in court. Did you guys know that the judges bet on us?”

“Yes,” they all three chorus, much to Peter’s dismay.

“The DA’s do it too,” Janie says dismissively, as if it’s nothing.

“Aw man, no wonder we never get any of that kind of action,” Jared pouts, completely inappropriately. “It’s no fun when you’re the horses.”

Peter rubs his forehead, “Okay, back on topic: What are we going to do about Emily?”

“I’m afraid she’s going to kill Peter in his sleep,” Pindar whispers, as if she can hear him through the doors.

Janie blinks in bemusement, “I’m not sure I’m qualified for that?”

“She may have just asked to move in,” Jared mutters, grimacing. “After two weeks of dating.”

“In our defense, the idea to bring you in was actually before we found this out,” Peter says, realizing he’s agreeing with Jared’s ridiculous course of action a little too late. “We weren’t aware of her potential for inappropriate forwardness until now.”

“And you were just going to lock me in a room with her without saying any of this?” Janie hisses in irritation.

“They’re blowing this way out of proportion,” Carmen interrupts, speaking over them. “Someone just needs tell her that Jared and Peter are sad and irrevocably gay for each other - we can even get Karp to do it if you want - then we get her job back, and wait for it all to blow over for a few weeks,” she says calmly, nodding at them.  

Pindar glances at them the moment Carmen says ‘gay’, as if the word alone would make Peter start freaking out. He furrows his brow in confusion as nothing happens, and Peter raises his in response.

Carmen is looking at them now too, her own expression turning confused. “Alright, did you guys have a big boy talk, with feelings and everything?”

“Oh god, not the F-word,” Jared exclaims sarcastically just as Peter answers with a flat, ‘yes’.

“Oh,” Carmen and Pindar say in unison, looking them over.  

“So we can stop trying to field all the inappropriate jealousy and confusing allegiances that arise whenever one of you brings a girl home?” Pindar asks, looking hopeful.

“Optimistically, yes,” Jared agrees.

Peter makes a face at Pindar’s exhalation of relief, rolling his eyes.

“It’s not going to be like before you guys broke up, is it? Cause that was almost equally terrible,” Carmen asks, a brow raised threateningly. “I refuse to deal with that twice, if you guys break up out of misguided, yet somehow allowed, cheating, I will quit and take Pindar with me.”

“It wasn’t a break up,” Jared denies, continues to deny, and will probably always deny.

Peter just rolls his eyes and says, “It’s not cheating if it’s allowed.”

“It was a break up, and it was horrible,” Carmen disagrees. “You guys wouldn’t speak anything except lawyer to each other for like a week.”

“That’s not… true,” Jared disagrees, looking to Peter for confirmation.

“I don’t really remember,” Peter confesses, shrugging.

“I think it counts as cheating if someone is jealous,” Pindar says quietly.

“Well, I’m glad that no one else wasted two years on a relationship they knew wasn’t going to work out,” Janie interrupts sarcastically. “You’re lucky I like you guys enough to still talk to you.”

“I didn’t think it was going to last that long,” Peter says, mouth twisting. “Not that it makes up for it.”

“Really doesn’t,” Janie says derisively. She sighs, covering her face before looking at Jared, “Fine, I’ll do it, but only because I pity your entire existence, and to make up for that one time you let me copy off you in Civil Procedure.”

“Thank you, Janie,” Jared sing-songs as she opens the door. “I’ll buy you an entire basket of that old people candy you like.”

“Whatever,” Janie mutters, rolling her eyes. “Make sure it’s the hard candy not the caramels.”

“Done and done,” Jared answers enthusiastically.

“And you have to dress in drag at the Halloween party,” Janie continues, turning around in the doorway. “Sexy librarian.”

“Uh, okay? Whatever turns you on,” Jared agrees with a slightly confused smile.

Janie laughs, biting her lower lip, “Oh, it’s not for me.”

“Janie,” Peter whines, “Come on.”

Carmen makes a gagging noise as she brushes past them and out the door; Pindar following her with a similar look.

“That is an element to your relationship that I didn’t know existed,” Jared says under his breath, and they watch Janie walk over to Emily, who’s wearing a confused smile. It falls into a frown as Janie gently touches her upper arm, pointing towards the back of the house.

“She knew we were sleeping together before we even started dating,” Peter says dryly, glancing over with a raised eyebrow. “How does that surprise you?”

“Well you sort of gave the impression that she broke up with you because she found out about me,” Jared responds with a sideways look.

“She’s known us longer than Pindar,” Peter points out slowly.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jared defends.

“I’ll get the court reporter to read if back if I have to, since it’s on record and everything,” Peter says, complacent.

Jared narrows his eyes for a moment, before he shrugs. “Okay, drag for Halloween it is,” he says with a smirk, looking over Peter for a moment.

Peter in turn takes a sip of his drink a little nervously, because it feels like Jared is literally about to pounce.

“Do you two have time for an old man?” Infeld says suddenly, appearing at their left like some sort of ghost.

Peter nearly chokes on his tongue, giving a partier to his left an awkward smile as she jumps backwards at the motion like he’s about the throw up on her. He grimaces and turns towards Stanton with a begrudging expression.

“I dunno,” Jared says, raising his eyebrows at Peter. “Do we?”

“Eh, sure,” Peter shrugs, “Just this once.”

“I wanted to apologize and thank you,” Stanton starts, giving Peter a brightly colored bag. Jared peeks at it curiously, eyes narrowed, but Peter shoulders it and turns back to Stanton pointedly. “I know that some of my reasoning was wrong, but the fact you’re both brilliant lawyers is of no little significance.”

Peter nods and makes eye contact with Jared, whose mouth is quirked unhappily.

“We’re not ready to forgive you completely,” Jared says almost apologetically. “It’ll probably take another of whatever that is.”

Stanton nods, looking unsurprised, “I’ll get right on it.”

Peter hip checks Jared a little, tilting his head towards the direction Janie and Emily disappeared too, only half because he’s starting to feel uncomfortable with Stanton, other half because he’s worried someone’s been killed. “We’re gonna go,” he says to Stanton, dragging Jared off by his shoulder. “See you at work.”

Jared has practically glued himself to Peter’s side as they get closer to the back of the house, his hand curling up underneath his shirt, fingers dragging distractingly against his lower back.

“Stop it,” Peter grumbles, grabbing Jared’s hand. “If she does turn out to be crazy, I don’t want to – Karp?”

“Ah,” Karp looks down at their entwined fingers, eyebrow raised. “Am I supposed to be surprised?”

“Where did Emily go?” Jared asks, looking past Karp. “And Janie.”

“Adams is probably contemplating burning the Cave down, and Ms. Ross is with Hanna making some sort of bastard alcohol smoothie,” Karp answers, taking a sip of his wine.

“Did you hear what happened?” Peter asks after a few silent moments, as Karp continues to stare at them with a bored look.

“Something about Janie interfering with your personal relationships to the point of –something, I wasn’t really interested,” Karp says blandly.

“You are totally lying,” Jared disagrees almost immediately. “Our crazy keeps you entertained.”

Karp sighs as if the weight of the world has been put on his shoulders, “Ross, apparently, initially told her that you were using her to make Peter jealous, but then Hanna dragged me along to follow her into the lion’s den so she could eavesdrop, where we got caught, so now Adams is convinced that the entire firm is in some kind of polyamorous relationship.”

“…Well that attitude means you’re definitely not invited to our afternoon orgy,” Jared says after a stunned moment.

Peter can’t help but laugh, leaning against Jared. “Which is such a shame, the collective is going to miss that intense and arousing stare,” he says loudly, drawing the attention of a group of women in the corner of the hallway. Their tittering has now turned to stares in Karp’s direction, which Peter can’t help but smirk about, unnerving Karp even more is a bonus side effect.

“I hate you,” Karp says after an awkward pause, rolling his eyes and slinking back towards the main room.

Jared laughs as he tugs Peter forward, leaning back against Pindar’s door, “Hopefully she’s not trying to burn my bed.”

“You hate that movie,” Peter laughs, giving in when Jared pulls him down for a kiss.

It’s not like they haven’t kissed before - countless times since Jared nervously drew him through a mistle-toed doorway at his parent’s Christmas party - but somehow the few years of the action being solely in mind alone has made this instance feel brand new. 

He’s in the midst of pulling Jared closer when a chill goes down his spine and someone dumps an entire pitcher of what tastes like… margarita mix? Over his head.

“Shit,” Jared exclaims, pushing Peter away and putting his hands up in surprise.

“I can’t believe I lost my job over you, two,” Emily yells at them, faced bunched up and cheeks blotchy.

“I’ll get you the job back,” Jared defends, hand up as she raises the pitcher threateningly.

Peter manages to grab the lip and pulls it out of her hands before she can think about following through on the action, and hands it to Jared. “We’ll get it back, okay, maybe even a raise?”

“And a parking spot,” Emily sniffles, pouting now.

“And a parking spot,” Peter agrees gently.

She leaves with a pointed finger, obviously still angry, but apparently willing to let it go.

“Do we have a parking spot?” Jared asks, tapping the pitcher with his fingers.

Peter shrugs, pulling off his shirt and holding it between his fingers in disgust. “If we’ve had one this entire time I’ll be so pissed.”

Jared stares at his chest for a moment, eyes sliding towards the shirt, “I think you should throw that on Karp, this is obviously his fault somehow.”

Peter considers it, nodding. “How is it you’re always in my head?”

“My superpower, dude,” Jared answers with a grin. They quickly make way to the living room, ignoring the glances at Peter’s soaked Henley.

Pindar sees them before Karp does, his eyes widening at the shirt, and just as Karp turns around to see what he’s looking at, Peter throws the shirt at his face. Peter starts to laugh as Karp lets out the most garbled screech in the history of mankind, fistbumping with a delighted Jared. Pindar covers his mouth with a hand in shock, staring, and Hanna appears out of the woodwork with a tut at the lot of them, plucking it off of Karp in one smooth move.

“Are you two twelve?” Hanna asks, sighing. Just behind her, Janie is smirking, clearly amused but not enough to give them the satisfaction of actually laughing.

 “Do we have parking spots?” Jared asks, dodging as Hanna throws the shirt back to them.

Karp scoffs, turning back to his wine, “Of course you have spots, you’re equity partners.”

“We did debate giving you more than one, but in the end we figured it was just a parking spot,” Hanna reveals with a shrug, taking Janie’s offered shake.

Peter scowls, “You didn’t think to tell us?”

“Thought it was obvious,” Karp says dryly.

“It’s not like we had parking spots at our other firm,” Jared responds, indignant.

Pindar makes a considering noise, “Technically you did.”

“It doesn’t count when it’s the driveway,” Peter says as he runs a hand through his hair, wincing in disgust at the sticky feeling.

“Counts a little,” Carmen says as she leans over the bar to grab a bottle of Absolut, saluting with it as she goes out towards the hot tub. She stops and turns around halfway there, tilting her head at Peter. “What the hell?”

“Emily,” Jared answers for him, shrugging. “Not as crazy as we thought.”

“This isn’t even the first time I’ve had margarita dumped over my head,” Peter says, picking up his shirt from the ground and balling it up. “Although I’ll admit this is a lot colder than that rotten stuff that fell off the counter.”

“I remember that,” Pindar says brightly, before grimacing. “That was horrifying - the entire floor was sticky.”

Peter makes eye contact with Jared, who pointedly bites his lips. Yeah, they’ll just let Pindar discover it on his own, more screaming but less cleaning.

“Whatever,” Carmen mutters, starting off again towards a group of people next to the hot tub.

The room returns to equilibrium soon after, as Karp makes an acerbic comment on someone’s dart-board skills and Hanna nods to Janie about something they’re chatting quietly about on the far end of the bar.

Peter turns to Jared, who suddenly looks on edge, eyes darting around the room before turning back towards him.

“Go stick your head under a sink or I’m not making out with you,” Jared says to his confused look.

Peter frowns, “This isn’t half as bad as that time with the strawberry syrup.”

“Not half as fun unless I start it,” Jared says after a moment in a smug undertone, but there is a flush crawling up the back of his neck as he smirks. “Besides, I hate margaritas.”

Peter hums in agreement, doesn’t immediately go to the kitchen, and runs a hand through his hair again. He makes like he’s going to wipe it off on the shirt, but instead runs it through Jared’s hair with a quick motion, smirking at the resulting squawk in indignation and bounce backwards. He starts laughing so hard he has to bend at the waist to keep from falling over.

“Dude,” Jared groans,”Eugh.”

“Does Carmen have to write up the rules again?” Pindar interrupts, looking around Karp and Hanna towards where Peter is still laughing. “Because I’m sure she remembers them.”

Jared stops trying to pinch Peter in the side and makes an exaggerated pout, “No, those rules were dumb anyway.”

“All rules are dumb,” Peter amends for him with a knowing grin, and starts pulling him towards the kitchen.

“Seriously!” Pindar yells after them, “No flirting after eleven pm, I don’t care if this is some sort of weird psuedo vow renewing experience.”

Peter waves sarcastically in response, agreeing with Jared’s eye roll.

“I’m not sure if that makes you the mom or the kid,” Peter hears Karp comment, and ignores it as they get to the sink.

“Maybe we should just go to the hot tub,” Jared says, turning towards it on one foot.

Peter grabs his arm before he can get very far and pulls him back, shaking his head, “Then it’d be in the hot tub.”

“Then  _we’d_  be in the hot tub,” Jared tries to convince him.

Peter gets distracted thinking about it for a moment, before he remembers that  _Carmen_  is in the hot tub right now, which almost completely ruins the fantasy.  “Carmen got dibs first.”

Jared mutters something unflattering and grabs the sprayer, pointing it at Peter’s head, “Fine, stick your head in the sink.”

“Why do I have to be first?” Peter whines, but reluctantly complies, leaning backwards over the sink and wary of Jared’s aim.

For the first few minutes, his worry seemed to have been unfounded as Jared gently washes his hair out with quickly warming water, until Jared starts to lean the sprayer further down his neck, resulting in a spattering of droplets rolling down his back. He shifts away, opening his eyes to glare at Jared.

“How much is this actually margarita and how much is gel,” Jared asks sarcastically, letting cloudy water drip from his fingers and onto Peter’s face.

Peter grabs the sprayer before any water can hit his chest, and gives Jared a flat look, “I use less hair product than you, Mr. Highlights.”

Jared grins, leaning on his chest now that he’s been relieved of the sprayer, elbows digging into Peter’s abdomen. “I dunno, could probably feed a starving family with the money you spend on it.”

Peter debates fighting the point, but instead chooses another route of retaliation. He slides further down the counter, his legs sliding in between Jared’s, until the other man has to grab his shoulders for purchase, one hand against his collarbone as Peter holds them both up in front of the sink. He smirks at the surprised look on Jared’s face, relishing the feeling as Jared shifts forward, fitting their bodies together as if they hadn’t spent the last few years evading this.

“You’re technically still my intern,” Jared grins against his mouth. “Are you gonna sue me?”

“I’ll think about it,” Peter murmurs, tilting his head up until they’re kissing, Jared’s hand sliding up his throat to the back of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is largely self-serving and unrealistic, but was written up because this entire show is slowly eating my brain, and because Emily weirded me out with the moving in after so little time thing.


End file.
